Men in Black III review

I started reviewing Men in Black III in my head whilst I began watching it; It began a little something like this..."It is notoriously difficult to make a good third instalment of a film franchise, or Threequel...if you will. But I hedged my bets as I payed my £6 and sat through trailers, and that Haribo advert with the 'cute' kid of whom I hold, in no un-certain terms, in contempt. Dissapointingly, it became apparent that was in vast superiority to the film. In simpler terms, Men in Black III is shite"

     I came to that conclusion after approximately half an hour, allow me to elaborate as to why:
-10 years after the second installment, most people would be against the idea of a threequel. As it appears, so was Tommy Lee Jones. TLJ in the last two instalments played a surly gentleman who, nobody could argue, hated his job as an agent and only did it for the money, and charmingly so. In this 3rd film, he was a gentleman who looked like he hated his job as an actor in this film. It appears a great deal of the $375,000,000 was spent on dragging him back to star in this film.

-Emma Thompson, or perhaps her character. She played the typical female agent, bossy and rude and... detestable. I would comment on her attempt at an English accent, but as an English woman it appears it was not an accent; just an irritation.

-So, the idea behind the MiB story is that aliens live among us but with clever disguises so we wouldn't ever know...charming my, at the time, 6 year old mind. In this 3rd they dropped the idea; One of the aliens in this film hides his centipede-esque body, with an apron. I mean, WHAT IF THE WIND BLOWS, WHAT IF YOU LOOK AT HIM FROM BEHIND. Infact, several sat in a chinese restaurant as aliens...0/10 for effort.

-The antagonist, a Boglodite villain from the moon. You think that sounds like a typical villain, he is. Un-interesting and entirely dull. Enough said.

-A minor one, the pop culture version of the 60s..pieced together by peoples impressions of what it was like. One of the most notable is a hippy girl giving the 'bad guy' a flower and saying 'make love not war' and a 60s party where everyone is in tie dye and being weird. Just, no.

-The final one, the aliens. Not only were the aliens badly disguised, they were poorly made. Perhaps if this film was a low budget, indie film... I could let the poorly made costumes slip. As this film is, one of the most expensive films ever made I feel the 1970s Dr Who style monsters were tacky and un-convincing.

So, by the sounds of this review... I hated this film. Infact, I come out of this film somewhat charmed. Perhaps it's the characters? Michael Stuhlbarg playing Griffin, who occupies every dimension and outcome at the same time...who, much like the protagonist of Source Code tells the future just as it happens like "who steps through the door in 3 seconds and knocks over this coffee table"with such child like wonderment. Or Will Smith, who is just my hero. If you need telling how great Will Smith is, you haven't seen Fresh Prince of Bel Air. The un-expected emotion in this film?

No. As the 2nd film came out, Burger King gave away free toys with meals for the film...one being a cheap plastic nuraliser, as Will calls it "The mind wipey flasher". I took that everywhere with me, like Andy has woody and buzz... I had a nuraliser, which probably explains my nerdy-ness to this day. The fact is, MiBIII is part of a charming franchise. Granted, the funny moments could be funnier. The emotional, more so. At the end of the day, what matters is if I enjoyed this film. I loved it.

It may also be worthy of not, upon googling 'MiB' to find the exact budget... the top search was 'Is MiB real?' Looks like some people were convinced by the alien CGI.

Japan, Kings of the World.

English society is closed minded. You wonder, how can I make that statement without proof. Here's the proof, Kit-Kats. England have 3 flavours, Japan however...117. There are only so many flavours you can have, so...here are the more interesting varieties; By interesting, I mean terrifying: Vegetable, Yoghurt, Blueberry Cheesecake, Custard, Potato, Ginger, Soy Sauce, Fudge, Lemon, Bubblegum, Cucumber, Green tea, Pineapple, Pumpkin, Rose, Chesnut, Watermelon, Wine and Grilled Corn. All hail Japan, the front runners in new innovations, some...more useful than others. I don't think i'm in a hurry for Corn KitKats, but it's progress; I think.

R.I.P Pixar

Pixar started life with a humble $5,000,000 in 1986 under Steve Jobs, in un-gamourous territory... Making adverts for the likes of Tropicana. Until Disney saw something in the company and offered $26,000,000 for them to make three computer generated feature films and split profit with Disney, which later became the much loved Toy Story, Bugs Life and Monsters Inc. These were the first computer generated films, and paved the way to films like "Mars Mom"... Pixar's golden path, leads straight to a slaughter house for half baked ideas and money making schemes. Why am I telling you Pixar's humble beginnings, I hear you mumble in un-enthused monotone; Because, this is the story of how the fat cats ruined something beautiful. Pixar created the first perfect saga, the first 5* set of films. Godfather, let down by the third. Alien, tarnished by the sequels. Planet of the Apes, ruined by the conquest. Potter, beginning its life with two "good" films...to later make fantastic films.Toy Story retains its charm over ten years, over three instalments. All of which are made with love, imagination and passion. Disney always had involvement with Pixar, from out set; But in 2006 Disney bought Pixar and made their first real creative contribution with making Cars 2. As a lover of the first,  a story of simple, honest life..I ventured to the cinema with the child like glee all the others had instilled in me, and a backpack filled with sweets on an industrial scale. When watching the un-funny joke, the linear storyline and James Bond sub-plot with dialogue more fitting to an awkward KFC advert.. I realised something, I was watching a kids films, not Pixar's usual films suited to any age group. Disney turned films great for kids into films only befitting to that group, and with it...An era ended. Pixar no longer exists, in its wake is something very different. Disney-Pixar, an insult to the late Steve Jobs' creation.

What did George Lucas do for you?

As I watched Star Wars: The Phantom Menace 3D, in an attempt to draw myself away from the un-relenting boredom... I found myself thinking; George Lucas can't be an idiot, as much as his story writing attempts prove otherwise. I would say rich people aren't stupid, or they wouldn't be rich...but just a glimpse into modern media shows that to be on the contrary. Upon turning down warner brothers' offered directing payment for the rights to merchandise, a insight into his intentions became clear. Star Wars wasn't just a set of 6 films, but a brand...the first of it's kind. The merchandise far exceeded the films box office, with the help of myself; Opting for Star Wars branded items to the nth degree, to the point where even shampoo had to be branded. But the fact these things existed, his hyper-merchandisable products existence paved the way for future films to become a brand. So, why would a man with great business sense become a writer if his writing was so poor? Simple, it doesn’t need to be…all he needs to do is set up a basis for characters and they write their own stores, possibly more coherent ones at that. Give a character a funny name and a lightsaber and it sells, then rinse, repeat until a universe filled with two-dimensional characters…metaphorically anyway, as the film is in garish three dimensions. You could be forgiven for expecting a pun, or comment on that fact… Frankly, I can’t think of one. Lucas has squeezed every penny out of a once loved story, un-ashamedly pushing it back into the box office. Did he feel it benefited from a third dimension, in fact does 3D give a third dimension? 2D films still have depth, but the front of shot remains in screen. Three dimensional films claim to add depth, but actually remove it; They have two depths, front and back…images with come out of the screen and those that don’t, with no space in-between. Thus removing depth. So, why George? With a new film comes new publicity, new toys and the box office revenue itself. So, is it a bad thing? No, greed is what the world goes round with…my 10 year old self ran to my friends house with a rucksack bigger than me filled with star wars toys, was happier than could be. Thank you George, for being a detestable money grabber.